Klash of the Konfessioners

April 5, 2011

Circle

Filed under: Uncategorized — The Musketeers @ 3:54 pm

CIRCLE

(Closed)

Kshitiz (120)

Words erupted into the loud speaker as the Rajdhani Express pulled in; the station became a stage for actors.
Haunted thoughts of the past week ran through her mind, her escape from the clutches of her orthodox parents, her arrival to the city of her dreams, Irfan her agent receiving her, the photoshoot, the 5 lac cheque & then the call telling her to check the internet & Aajtak.
Wiping tears of her cheeks she boarded the train, she pretended to sleep but the words like magnets clung to her ears, “isn’t she the girl from the changing room MMS”. Life had taken its full course; life had completed its vicious circle, a circle with no escapes & no end.

Mandappa (118)

Part 1:
The Mad-hatter has his hat. I have my circle.

Polka-dotted, pink and white. Hula Hoop. Hula Hoop.
Whirl and twirl and twist and curl
Spun onto the other side
into another world.

magic words. cast a spell. Hula Hoop. Hula Hoop
it must be done or you’ll burn
the right way only
as simple as one, two, three

Whirl and twirl and twist and curl. Hula Hoop Hula Hoop
dont forget the spin to get in
tuck the pigtails, hold the skirt
a red jacket over the shirt

this world is cotton. candy. pink and blue. Hula Hoop Hula Hoop
a whole new world to show you.
Mama says to be normal outside
I’ll show you another time.

DayTripper (97)

Metaphysical strings tie us down,
The Man has us pinned to the ground.
A tug, a pull and he makes us dance,
to his moulded melody, we twirl and prance.

Up and down the routine street,
Thundering echoes of a few million feet.
As a few million puppets we live our life,
bowing and answering to the puppeteer’s cry.

Day in and out, the webs of monotony envelops us,
as The Man hands us our lists of Do’s, Dont’s and Must’s.
These social shackles around our ankles prickle,
while they keep us bound to this vicious circle.

DokSaab (114)

“She has made a full circle”
-You mean she is back to the square one?
“Yes after the troughs and crests, she has once again come back to where she began.”
-It actually depends from the point of view you take. Those having a single dimensional vision saw her moving to and fro linearly. You with your 2D vision saw her moving in circles. But see from the distance I am looking at her, you will see the third dimension. She is actually spiraling higher with every circle, the radius of her flight expanding with each circle, gradually encompassing within her each one of us.
See, it all depends upon the perspective you take.

Pinkrose Petals (110)

You were tenderly molded,
Perfectly modeled
Wet and glistening like a pearl in an oyster,
You were the magic of the creator
“Maa!!Maa!! Calling me I visualize you
Not a day goes by when I don’t think of you
Colors are fading, tears never ending
No words comforting, the heart so much aching

How I wished to look at your angelic face
The thought of seeing you filled me with grace
Oh God!!! Why don’t you answer?
What is my blunder?

As a response an angel whispered in my ear
This is the circle of life dear!!
The baby is yours, bestow him solace
He will come back, just disembarrass…

Neha (120)

Dark brown circles,
Reaches your heart without a touch,
In utter silence they say “i love you so much”,
They make the world as you want,
You ask it once and they will grant.
Dark brown circles,
They love me more than anything in this world,
Let it be the precious diamond or a gold flag unfurled,
They are always with me in all phases of my life,
In happiness and in sorrow makes me strong to survive.
Dark brown circles
As I look at them they weave a spell on me
Like the pure red wine they intoxicate me
My love for you was when I stared down them
Behind the spectacles where the real gems
Dark brown circles

ruSh.Me(120)

This is the story of a 24-page newspaper in the morning commute. Nothing special, you think! Just a coy, virgin newspaper, amidst the news-hungry lusty wolves.
Since you can’t read the main paper, city times and the supplement all together, you begin at page 1. Turn to page 2, and a tap on your shoulder, coaxing you into surrendering the city times. Reach page 4, another demands the sport section. While the vegetable-peeling aunty asks for the city times as a holder for her pea-shells, the supplement is greedily scanned all around by group of youngsters.
And you, while holding the classifieds, stare at your newspaper, circle among the fellow commuters, wondering what’s wrong with your so-called “circle of trust”!

Scribbler (109)

Result of a futile math test, when in junior school.
Taking laps around the school ground, punished for dirty shoes.
First sight of a felled, old tree’s face, looking up to the blue.
Tear inducing onion rings, on a chopping board.
Slice of lime afloat on iced tea that spilt on my ever first trouser.
The failure of the earliest kite launch without its indispensible tail.
Ink blots sputtered on my white shirt, the day before summer vacation.
All of these green memories are forgotten
When I reminisce the first ever time;
She puffed the speck of dust
Off my eye. With her lips curled
Into a crimson circle.

Nandini (120)

Klash is a wonderful platform for amateurs, encouraging novices to write. Fellow Klashers actually comment on every nuance of a take.
Imagine someone with no writing history (passages in school publications do not count), trained in balancing figures and thinking logically, The only claim to the literati world being that she’s a book worm. Yet she etches out some lines for Klash and calls it “my writing”. Moreover serious writers have time to read and comment on the sketchy words. Real ego boost
Ok guys, you must be wondering why I’m drawing circles. What’s my point?
Ummm , I was just wondering if I could coax the wonderful circle of Klash writers to appreciate novice stuff and vote for me 🙂

 Tale twister(120)

{Location: Mumbai  Area: Goregaon East, Film City Studio
Shoot of the video : Tauba Tauba– Kailash Kher about to start.}

Director: Who wrote this script?
Writer: I did. I thought this suited the song.

{Spot boy eyeing the actress. Actress eyeing the actor. Actor(Gay) eyeing Camera-man behind Director. Director still yelling…}

What? This is useless. Far from reality. Love Circles are cliché. Change it now… Write something new.

Too late now. Plus Kailashji likes it. I am sure audience will like it also.

You are useless… Where’s the camera-man now?

{Camera-man shooting the make-up girl. Make-up girl smiling at costume guy. Costume guy eyeing chaiwaali. Chaiwaali getting touchy with spot boy}

And so “the far from reality” shoot started soon….

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28 Comments »

  1. Scribbler aka Amit Charles wins this Klash with 6 people voting for him!
    Lets see what word challenge he gives us.
    Votes so far:
    1)Scribbler……….9 (1 Sprinkles +1 Kunal +1 Divenita +2 Petals +2 ruSh.Me +2 Mandappa)
    2)Mandappa………..5 (2 Kshitiz, + 3 Nandini)
    3)Kshitiz…… 4 (2 Tale Twister +2 Neha)
    4)ruSh.Me…………2 (2 Scribbler)
    5)Neha…….2 (2 DokSaab)
    6)DayTripper…..1 (1 Richa Gupta)

    Comment by The Musketeers — May 1, 2011 @ 12:14 am

  2. i really loved the way u think out of the box imagination.my vote goes to Kshitij as it actually sent shiver down my spine as it reached the end, Nice Script.

    Comment by neha — April 30, 2011 @ 10:45 pm

  3. Votes so far:
    1)Scribbler……….9 (1 Sprinkles +1 Kunal +1 Divenita +2 Petals +2 ruSh.Me +2 Mandappa)
    2)Mandappa………..5 (2 Kshitiz, + 3 Nandini)
    3)ruSh.Me…………2 (2 Scribbler)
    4)Neha…….2 (2 DokSaab)
    5)Kshitiz…… 2 (2 Tale Twister aka Pratik Bubna)
    6)DayTripper…..1 (1 Richa Gupta)

    Comment by The Musketeers — April 29, 2011 @ 12:21 am

  4. Komments for Klash

    Circle

    Kshitiz
    Well i kinda like the road you’ve gone down or maybe the seed of the idea. but i dont know if it brings out the word. the full circle part doesnt shine through as much or is not the strong point of ur write.

    Daytripper:

    an almost cliched emotion or expression yet a subtly more brilliant take. the words you weave are still artistry even if the canvas is a tad soiled. nice.

    Doksaab:

    I don’t know if i’ve subconsciously raised my standards for u. like i feel like theres something more to the write than actually came out. like im on the brink of hope of some magic .. but it dint happen. the concept still works. and i like the way ur mind works.. but the writing needs to eloquently further the thought which u usually do, doksaab.

    Pinkrose petals:

    Welcome im guessing? or is it someone with a changed name?
    there’s a strangely ecletic thumping through your write. i like that. though the last word for me was a crashing cymbal disrupting melody.
    i think there’s a lil polishing needed but the meat remains well cooked.

    Neha

    again your rhythm is in place. your choice of words maybe not. its not a very smooth right but a decent one. im in love with the dark brown circles and im hearing them in a deep peachy voice some place at the back of my head, but the words inbetween dont pull me in as much .

    Rush.me:
    it gives me a flavour of mumbai and the trains and im guessing thats a good thing. when u can write without having to say and yet convey. in that sense its nice. buts its a smirk not more than that .

    Scribbler:
    Sweet. So far i love ur take the most. it gently shook me from mediocrity to a slightly higher echelon. nice. and yes a crimson circle.

    Nandini:
    its cute. 🙂 and i def am not going into the nuances 🙂 but id say its a great place to learn cuz usually with the stereotypical accounting colleagues, the only kritique ud get is a laugh or a wow. . lil else 🙂 hehe but cute one tho.

    Tale twister

    The cliche is cliche. most of the times. but its a good attempt. but somehow, ur name tale twister actually made me like the take even more. something about the name, and then the story and the intertwining. nice.

    wel my votes for : Scribbler

    happy holidaying people
    oh happy birthday founder klasher – sir sarang 🙂

    Comment by Malted Socktail — April 28, 2011 @ 11:51 pm

  5. Sorry i wont be able to comment before sunday… my vote goes to Kshitij!.. will comment by sunday for sure

    Comment by Pratik Bubna — April 28, 2011 @ 7:15 pm

  6. Votes so far:
    1)Scribbler……….7 (1 Sprinkles +1 Kunal +1 Divenita +2 Petals +2 ruSh.Me)
    2)Mandappa………..5 (2 Kshitiz, + 3 Nandini)
    3)ruSh.Me…………2 (2 Scribbler)
    4)Neha…….2 (2 DokSaab)
    5)DayTripper…..1 (1 Richa Gupta)

    Comment by The Musketeers — April 28, 2011 @ 10:50 am

  7. I am sorry, won’t be able to comment in detail, using mobile internet, but will vote for Scribbler, for a very simple description of circles in our daily life!

    Comment by Rush.Me — April 28, 2011 @ 10:38 am

  8. Who am I?
    EXCELLENT QUESTION!

    My name is : Petals… as I would love to be called… the not so much of a writer. I would like to be more of one though….

    I’m a mathematician, presently working as a professor…so always with the younger generation…(full chances of remaining young…lol)

    I believe “The Best Way to Lead Life is by Spreading Knowledge” . Teaching is my passion rather than my profession as it reveals my inner desire to help others, to impart my knowledge and to sail in the minds of others.

    I think that’s enough for the introduction.

    I reached Klash through my friend Kshitij.

    Regarding ur confusion “why tears and agony while talking about a yet to be born baby”…. If u notice the previous lines r in past tense… a mother has lost her unborn baby… without even seeing her… its a painful incident for the mother who has woven lots of dreams abt the child…n thats why she is asking God why this punishment to her….
    When I wrote this … this was a poem of around 200 words… but to present it in Klash i had to shorten it…

    Regards,
    Petals.

    Comment by Pinkrose Petals — April 27, 2011 @ 10:50 pm

  9. Votes so far:
    1)Mandappa………..5 (2 Kshitiz, + 3 Nandini)
    2)Scribbler……….5 (1 Sprinkles +1 Kunal +1 Divenita(who?) +2 Petals)
    3)ruSh.Me…………2 (2 Scribbler)
    4)Neha…….2 (2 DokSaab)
    5)DayTripper…..1 (1 Richa Gupta)

    Comment by The Musketeers — April 27, 2011 @ 4:19 pm

  10. Sure you can (vote), Richa !
    We would like anyone who reads our takes to vote.
    (nonparticipants vote carry one point, participants vote two while the past winners vote carry three points)

    Comment by The Musketeers — April 27, 2011 @ 10:15 am

  11. not sure if i can vote…since i did not write nor can comment on every take (have a flight to catch in less then 8 hrs and still not packed!!!)….my vote goes to Day Tripper….for her rhyming and for presenting an old concept in a nice way.
    loved Mandappa’s take too….but was too Willy Wonka for me

    Comment by richa — April 27, 2011 @ 7:40 am

  12. Votes so far:
    1)Mandappa………..5 (2 Kshitiz, + 3 Nandini)
    2)Scribbler……….5 (1 Sprinkles +1 Kunal +1 Divenita(who?) +2 Petals)
    3)ruSh.Me…………2 (2 Scribbler)
    4)Neha…….2 (2 DokSaab)

    Comment by The Musketeers — April 26, 2011 @ 3:42 pm

  13. Another beautiful edition of Klash! It is so encouraging to see new people joining in every Klash. I wish the veterans could find time and be seen more often.
    My Komments:
    1. Kshitiz…. Nice story line! Good picturisation. I feel, “Life had taken its full course” sounds repetitive and can be dispensed with. Theme word used very well!
    2. Mandappa…. Lovely poem, melodious, vivid, very joyous. I personally didn’t liked the use of theme word as a hula hoop. But I feel it’s not just about a circus clown, there is more than what meets the eyes, some deeper meaning which we will come to know in the part 2 🙂
    3. DayTripper…. Great thoughts, lovely poem, good rhyme! I don’t agree with the last para though. It’s not The Man who prescribes the do’s and don’ts and must’s, it’s us the society. Great take anyways! P.s. You failed to keep your promise (of painting a circle)
    4. Pinkrose Petals…. Welcome to the klub, Petals. Still waiting for an intro from you. About the poem, it’s beautiful. A baby in a womb so nicely described. Slightly confused, why tears and agony while talking about a yet to be born baby? Oh God!!! Why don’t you answer? What is my blunder? Also I didn’t feel the theme word so effectively.
    5. Neha…. Seeing the theme word as the eyes, great imagination. Beautiful song, very heartfelt very hummable.
    6. ruSh.Me…. ” coy, virgin newspaper, amidst the news-hungry lusty wolves.” ha ha what a way to look at a newspaper! It’s been long since I’ve travelled in a public transport, but I still remember the ‘virgin’ paper being returned after being circulated, torn and in pieces.
    7. Scribbler…. This is the beauty of Klash, we get to see so many different interpretation of a simple word. What Neha saw in eyes, you see in the lips! Very emotional!
    8. Nandini…. You are always so innovative. Very true account of an average klasher like me. I can soi very well relate with your take, being a medical practitioner, with no literary background, competing months after month with such accomplished authors and poets. Our circle is really wonderful. P.s. vote appeal is not allowed in Klash, Ms Sen
    9. Tale twister…. Funny, but unlike your previous tales, there wasn’t any twist.

    My Vote….to Neha for using the theme word so romantically!

    Comment by DokSaab — April 26, 2011 @ 3:39 pm

  14. Votes so far:
    1)Mandappa………..5 (2 Kshitiz, + 3 Nandini)
    2)ruSh.Me…………2 (2 Scribbler)
    3)Scribbler……….5 (1 Sprinkles +1 Kunal +1 Divenita(who?) +2 Petals)

    Comment by The Musketeers — April 23, 2011 @ 10:57 pm

  15. Hii Friends,
    Woooohooo enjoyed.
    It was great klashing here…
    Thanx everyone for the reviews.
    I’m not so much of a writer. I would like to be more of one though.
    I’m thankful to my friend, Kshitij for telling me abt the Klash.
    My vote: Scribbler

    Comment by Petals — April 23, 2011 @ 9:40 pm

  16. @ Nandini – Well, the Crimson Circle is the lips. Thanks for your comments.

    @ Sprinkles – Thanks for the Vote. Would love to see your comments.

    @ Kunal: Thanks a lot 🙂 Very encouraging appreciation.

    Comment by Scribbler — April 23, 2011 @ 9:12 pm

  17. My Vote: scribbler

    Comment by Divenita — April 23, 2011 @ 8:48 pm

  18. Votes so far:
    1)Mandappa………..5 (2 Kshitiz, + 3 Nandini)
    2)ruSh.Me…………2 (2 Scribbler)
    3)Scribbler……….2 (1 Sprinkles +1 Kunal)

    Comment by The Musketeers — April 23, 2011 @ 11:26 am

  19. Kshitiz: robust narrative that is very relevant to one interpretation of the theme word. perhaps the foreground needed to be veneered a bit more, even subliminal. Although the line about the station lends it another perspective as I read it. So, it could be intentionally and equally about the success or failure of a dream. And in that case, it is a big, resounding success.

    Mandappa: To me, somewhere between witchcraft and limerick. Wilde, Willy Wonka sans wizardry. Am muddled…liked the verse-chorusness of it though. Probably sounds nicer as a song.

    DayTripper: Nihilism, yes with a pinch of Freudism. The piece reminds me of that oft-forgotten Rushdie novel, ‘Fury’ and the marionette of a protagonist; Malik Solanka. These are deep waters conceptually, guess could do with more specificity to fully appreciate the gravity of the malady.

    DokSaab: Very much a deconstruction in the spirit of the beat gen. Personally preferred your earlier two entries.

    Pinkrose Petals: The enthusiasm to rhyme is commendable, but also annoying. And in places, you’re just pushing it (molded/modeled – ?) Somewhere here, the genesis of a good idea is lost by the sheer necessity of the rhyming device. Also, it is too universal and imitable. Does any author wish to be this fungible?

    Neha: More or less the same points as above. That said, the story’s cohesive, if generic, and the ending is neat.

    rush.Me: Observational, even insightful in places. Though I thought the attempt in the end, to include the theme word is (avoidably) forced and uses up talk-time

    Scribbler: Something apparently personal and intrinsic, hand-made not assembly-line. Much appreciated. Some of the imagery is top notch and the piece itself is still so succint. Good work.

    Nandini: Perhaps the image of the ouroborous lends itself more easily into iterative self-referentialism. Kaufman nailed it for example. This piece itself is surprisingly glib, even if it is meant to be so.

    Tale twister: As illogical, messy and kitschy as a nineties’ Bollywood film. Maybe in the hands of a Dev Benegal or a Kaizad Gustad, this would work, even if as a parody. Have the things in brackets as voice overs. Funny one.

    My vote: Scribbler (A ‘Crimson circle’ to me is someone blowing over scraped knees or dust specks, devotedly and lipstick-mouthed)

    Comment by Kunal Sen — April 23, 2011 @ 2:36 am

  20. Votes so far:
    1)Mandappa………..5 (2 Kshitiz, + 3 Nandini)
    2)ruSh.Me…………2 (2 Scribbler)
    3)Scribbler……….1 (1 Sprinkles)

    Comment by The Musketeers — April 20, 2011 @ 2:59 pm

  21. Hey everyone!
    I love this klash. Possibly one of the more pleasurable ones to read.

    Will post my comments later. But for now, I loved Scribbler’s take. MY vote. 🙂

    Comment by sprinklesofchatter — April 20, 2011 @ 2:33 pm

  22. Hi there……….here goes my Komments

    (btw, Kshitij – just chill – nothing’s stupid. Its always great to get a Komment on one’s take)

    Kshitij – Nice usage of the word….liked your story line too.

    Mandappa – Wow – what imagination. Really liked your take.

    DayTripper – Sigh!!! the monotony of life. Old theme – but potrayed well.

    DokSaab – YOur take’s filled with all kinds of shapes & sizes. Infact I really liked the thought – but prob 120 words fell short. A few more words to give it a complete look, and it might’ve been a winner

    PinkrosePetal – Circle of life seems to have inspired quite a number of the Klashers. Nicely put into words.

    Neha – Nice and sweet.

    RushMe – You are at your usual best. As usual wonderful potrayal of the word.

    Scribbler – Nice one – almost like Neha’s write up….the flow seemed great, but the end left me a little confused – I mean the “crimson circle” bit. Couldn follow your train of thought there.

    TaleTwister – Golmaal hai sab Golmaal hai…….nice one.

    For me, Mandappa’s hula hoop riot of colours stole the thunder from others.
    My Vote – Mandappa

    Comment by Nandini Sen — April 20, 2011 @ 2:18 pm

  23. Hi Kshitiz, Thanks for the comments. Actually I too became confused after writing this, haha. I had read a satirical Novela long time back, Flatland. It was a story about a two dimensional place called Flatland. Their neighboring countries were a 3 dimensional “Spaceland” a one dimensional “Lineland” and a no dimensional “Pointland”. Every thing in the Flatland had no third dimension, the people were represented by circles, triangles squares and so on, the richer people having many sides like octagons and polygones. You can understand and enjoy the concept only when you read the novel

    Comment by DokSaab — April 20, 2011 @ 2:04 pm

  24. im still a novice & if any of my comments have been stupid plz forgive me

    Comment by Kshitij Agnihotri — April 20, 2011 @ 1:21 pm

  25. Mandappa, Hula hoop Hula hoop, Cheers bro, waiting for the Part 2 eagerly,

    Just the ending confused me a bit, However it worked for me it took me to a fairy land…..

    Daytripper beautiful lines put in perfect rhythm makes a good read

    Doksaab it confused me a bit cudn’t get the exact reference

    Pinkrose Petals, Wow, a lil bit more & i would have cried

    Neha, Love is awesum & so’s the piece

    ruSh.Me, excellent write up

    Nandini, hmmmmm confused what to say………….

    Tale Twister, No Comments

    My Vote Goes to HULA HOOP, Hula Hoop
    i.e. MANDAPPA

    Comment by Kshitij Agnihotri — April 20, 2011 @ 1:20 pm

  26. Well, since the lake still looks placid. Let me skim across the first pebble.

    My vote goes to ruSH.Me 🙂

    keep it goin;)

    Comment by Scribbler — April 19, 2011 @ 10:22 pm

  27. And let me begin this Circle with my Komments…

    Kshitiz (120)
    Hmmm! Reality bites. A tiny scene with a voluminous story. Bravo!!
    Mandappa (118)
    Part 1? Is there more to it?
    Read like a clip from Tim Burton’s movie 🙂
    Nice.
    DayTripper (97)
    The world’s a stage…
    A new attempt at a clichéd analogy.
    Impressive 🙂 (esp. the last para.)
    DokSaab (114)
    Perceptions differ. What or who are you referring to?
    Pinkrose Petals (110)
    Painful, yet touching write.
    Neha (120)
    🙂 And maybe, that’s called love. To look beyond those dark brown circles. Good one.
    ruSh.Me(120)
    🙂 News! Meant to be circulated I guess. Interesting observation. Good one Rush!
    Nandini (120)
    Nice try 😛 Doesn’t work for me 😉 (loved your last Klash tho)
    Tale twister(120)
    Yeh Duniya… GOL hai 🙂 Well written tale. But I guess the twist was expected 🙂

    In case, there aren’t any more Klashes coming in, will vote in sometime.

    Comment by Scribbler — April 18, 2011 @ 11:20 pm

  28. […] Circle at Klash image […]

    Pingback by Circle | Rattle Tattle Tales — April 18, 2011 @ 9:55 am


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